Junk Drawer
Sep 26, 2023
I finally managed to get to the bank today to deposit that check you gave me. Not a very interesting story on its own, but… I was shocked at how reluctant I was to let go of that little slip of paper with my name written in your hand on it… as if it meant anything at all. I dunno. I guess literally anything you give me is going to have meaning to this silly little heart of mine.
Which, of course, makes me wonder about those TARDISes (…not to mention the “Hello, sweetie” note…). Or those bookshelves. The sweater magnet. Or even the first thing I think I ever gave you, those 3d printed ear savers. Do you know? Your daughter told me a few weeks later that you “loved them”. Such a silly thing to fill a person with a glow, but it filled me with a glow. And then I printed a truly ridiculous pile of the things… just in case you ever needed more, lol. I am a simple man. You say you like something (or I hear through the grapevine that you do)… and… well. Away I go.
Anyhow. I lost the thread a bit there… the point of this not-at-all-interesting story was that, when I got to the bank, I found that the ATM was closed so I had to go inside. And when I did, I was shocked to find that they were playing a song which I didn't think anybody had ever heard of, but which means a lot to me in relation to you… while I was there to deposit your check.
The song, by the way, was Animal Spirits by Vulfpeck. The only other person I've even ever encountered who listens to those guys is my old bass teacher. 🤷♂️
Just a coincidence, I'm sure.
I've been thinking some more about how to introduce you to my letters. I think maybe I would start with Loving the Stars Themselves. There's a reason it's pinned on my reddit account. I know you'd appreciate the reference. And it ties in to an actual real physical note I actually really gave you.
Though… it occurred to me, as I was taking a photo of a Doctor Who bumper sticker I saw the other day, that I should probably demonstrate that that isn't the only thing I know about you, lol.
I mean. It's not like I complained when you asked me about the bassist for that band we were watching. Quite the opposite, in fact. It filled me with an incredibly warm glow. I think it's the expressing of interest that makes it important.
Still, though.
Well… I think you'll like the photo I posted a bit ago, when you see it. Whether you hit the like button or not.
But the letters…
Maybe this is a weird thought, but… I suppose one of the reasons it was hard to let go of the idea that you had found me, and already read all of these is… well…
I guess I just… I don't really understand what it is that little old me has to offer beautiful, amazing you, if all you know about me is what I present publicly. I know, I know… I'm being too hard on myself, yada yada. But, seriously. How is this thing advancing, if all you have to work with is what you see in real life?
What do I give you that makes you go “Yes, I will take some more of that, please”?
And sometimes… the only answer I can even come up with is… the letters.
But I guess I should probably give myself more credit.
But seriously, though… did you really just pull The Abyss out of thin air? lol.
Oh, man! I thought you guys were done walking. I didn't see you when I got back into the neighborhood. I would have much rather gotten to at least say “hi” to you (again) then have you walk by while I was practicing something new. Especially since I never know how audible it is from out there… hopefully… not audible at all, lol.
Well, I loved that wave you gave me as I was heading out. Loved that you had to turn around a bit for it. Love that you actually did turn around a bit for it.
I'm flying solo most nights this week. I doubt it'll end up ultimately mattering, but… There it is. But I've been wanting to invite you over sometime. Maybe sneak in another hour, just the two of us. Kids can be around, I don't mind, as long as I get to have you to myself for a bit.
But, my love, I have a confession to make. My house? I'm embarrassed to have you in it. I was embarrassed when you came to look at the bookshelves. I was embarrassed when we gave you “the tour” at the beer thing. I want you here, I do. But we are not the neatest of people. And she is a self-acknowledged proto-hoarder. But, I'm working on it. I have a ridiculous need to have the place in a state where I'd be ok with you coming and spending an hour, if the stars aligned that it could happen. But… it might not happen this week. There is a lot of work to be done, and limited time to do it.
So I've been keeping my fingers crossed that we have some warm evenings because I'm ngl, my little fire table under the deck in the back is pretty cozy, but doesn't put off a ton of heat. But the forecast isn't looking very promising.
Hm.
We'll have to see.
She inadvertently took away the excuse I had planned to use to go see you sometime… if conditions were favorable. Unless, that is, you need another dozen eggs already…
Last thing… just in case you forgot…
You are truly the most amazing, beautiful woman I have ever encountered in my whole entire life. Every part of me loves every part of you, all the way down to the subatomic particles whizzing around in probability clouds…
You are my every want and need, my every single last desire, brought to life.
I love you.
I am yours.